Fill Me With Your Poison
by Colladore
Summary: Alex notices how Birkhoff watches her, what does this mean? Alex/Birkhoff.Evil Nikita rated M for safety reasons. Smut! - Sorry, I'm really bad at writing summaries.
1. I am not my own

Fill Me With Your Poison

**Chapter 1**

He'd watched her a lot of times from the operations room, he'd seen her work out, seen her spar with Jaden. He didn't really understand it but she was a lot like Nikita, in most ways. She sucked with computers, just as Niki had in the beginning, until she's had her special lessons with him, she was really good with martial arts, just as Niki, and she'd been a junkie. Lately Birkhoff had started having dreams about her, a lot of them. He didn't really know what to do with them since it there was a strict 'look-but-don't-touch' policy inside Division, he knew it was to protect everyone but sometimes he just really, and I mean really, hated that rule.

He spun his chair around and watched as Alex swung around and kicked the other recruit in the leg, the recruit dropped to his knees but soon came to a stand again, Alex grabbed him and threw him over her shoulder, she dropped down and hit his throat, the kid tapped off and Alex released him of her grip. She smiled as she picked up her towel and drank her water. Sweat was visible on her skin and although it was weird, Birkhoff kind of enjoyed it. He liked watching her work out, it was nice. What was even better up was that he'd caught her watching him sometimes, during sessions. He liked the idea of her thinking of him.

**Alex's POV**

Alex actually enjoyed fighting, it was one of the things she was actually really good at, and she had no idea why. Nikita had told her she was a natural at it when they'd trained together, she'd been proud hearing that from divisions best ex-agent. She turned as she heard Michael calling her name.

"Alex!" She walked towards him, wondering what he wanted.

"Yes, Michael?" She looked up at him, wondering if this man had ever loved anyone before Nikita, he must have. He was really good-looking.

"You have a new op, come with me." He said, giving her a weird look, she shook her head as she figured out that she'd probably been staring at him. Darn it.

Alex followed him like a good recruit and joined Percy, Amanda and Birkhoff inside the OP's room. She as close to Birkhoff as she dared, she didn't really know him. They'd spoken a few times, mostly during sessions, but she kind of liked him. At least she liked the atmosphere that was around him, it was so calm and kind of innocent, though she didn't dare say he was innocent. He'd probably done he's deeds to end up in a place like this. Alex turned around and saw Amanda watching her, she quickly turned back to the screens.

"I need you to watch this closely, Alex." Percy said and stepped up beside her. Birkhoff turned and watched Percy, Percy nodded and before he turned back he met Alex's eyes. She smiled towards him and she heard him click on the keyboard and suddenly a video clip started on the screens. She stared at the woman in the video, Nikita. She already knew the lines in this video, she'd seen it a thousand times, she'd filmed it a few times too.

"All of you probably know me by now, and you also know that you killed my mole. I know you all have doubts and I like that. You all know that I'm after you, or rather, I'm after Division and I'm coming after every one of you. But still, if you want, you can join me. I'm always looking for new recruits."

Alex stared at Michael before she sighed.

"So, what? You know her better than me, why'd you show this to me?" Percy stepped into hew view.

"Because, I want you to take her down." Alex shrugged.

"I'm not really that good, I just got out. Michael would do a much better job than me." Michael snorted loudly and Birkhoff choked on his red bull. Amanda walked up and put a hand on her shoulder, Alex face her with confusion.

"Percy himself wants you to do this assignment, aren't you going to accept it?" Alex wrinkled her eyebrows before shrugging off her hand.

"Sure, I'll accept it, but it feels like it's way too early for me to do this kind off assignment. I'm just saying." Birkhoff turned towards her.

"Michael will help you out and I'm going to escort you, as I always do, with my computer." Michael turned towards Percy.

"I agree with her on one thing, isn't this too early for her? I mean, she just became an agent not more than a few weeks ago." Percy smiled, which was unusual for him.

"It may be early, but I want her in." Michael crossed his arms.

"I don't want her going, why don't I take some other agents? If I fail, we could give her the mission later on, when she's had more training." Percy seemed to think about this, he shrugged before answering Michael.

"I agree with you on this, she'll pass on this mission." Percy turned to face her. "But I'm giving you an assignment with Birkhoff." This time it was Axel's turn to cross her arms.

"What does Birkhoff need help with? I couldn't imagine him ever needing help." Percy smiled once again towards her, this was really creeping her out.

"You've showed great potential when it comes to finding people. We'll need you to help Birkhoff find…" He became silent, as if he was thinking of the right word to use, "… a hacker." Alex nodded.

"Sure, I'll help him with whatever I can." Percy nodded and left the room with Amanda. This time Michael touched her shoulder.

"I'm glad you didn't have to take this assignment on." Alex smiled towards him.

"It's not like I don't want it, I just think it's too early for me. I mean, I got lucky that once, but I don't think I could beat her." Michael seemed to agree with his eyes.

"Don't underestimate her." Was all he said before he left her and Birkhoff alone in the Operations room.

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><p><strong><em>Sorry for the short chapter, I was actually drunk as I wrote this chapter and I still am in fact. I don't know what I feel about this though, I kind off like it, but I don't know. I'm going to upload chapter 2 soon. Tell me what you think!<em>**


	2. Just to be close to you

Fill Me With Your Poison

**Chapter 2**

Alex stared at the screen in front of her, how the hell was she supposed to find a person she didn't even know the name of? She didn't really get how Percy thought sometimes, it was like his mind was so twisted that he didn't even know what he was saying. He could have at least told her a name. But no. So, here she sat with Birkhoff, in his room since he liked sitting there more than sitting in the OP's room. She felt totally confused. Suddenly Birkhoff turned towards her and wrinkled one of his eyebrows.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Alex snapped out of her zone and looked at him. Gosh, he was really cute, wasn't he?

"Erhm, well.. Yeah. About that, what the hell am I searching for? I mean, I don't even have a name to go for. Just 'hacker', and let me just say, searching for just 'hacker' isn't such a light deal, okay? There's a lot of people that call themselves hackers!" Birkhoff laughed at her and she was really surprised. She's only seen he's serious face ever since she met him, well either that or his worry face. She liked him smiling, he looked so sweet then.

"Yeah, I get now why you didn't do any work." He giggled before continuing. "His name is Ethan Rome and his hacker name is Rapid." Alex laughed at him. "What?" Was all he said.

"Did you just say that his hacker name is Raped?" This also made Birkhoff burst into laugh.

"Haha, no! He's called R-A-P-I-D, okay? With an I not an E." Alex couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, thanks Birkhoff." He smiled back

"No problem." She opened the simple search net called google, which everyone knew about and searched for Ethan Rome and what came up was 2 990 000 results, she slowly started going through them one by one. Finding out a little more information on every one of the sites, soon she decided that this wasn't enough and changed it to 'Ethan Rome, RAPID', this time she got 1 040 000 results, it wasn't any better but this time it was more specific information. She started using different sites and soon found out where he lived. She flipped her cellphone open and dialed the number she found on one site. After only three rings someone answered.

"Yes?" The voice was heavy, and reserved.

"Hello, is this Ethan?" Alex said in a really girly voice, she could hear Birkhoff's computer chair turning. She faced him as he watched her talk in her cellphone.

"What if it is? Who am I talking to?" The voice sounded angry.

"My name is Alex and I'm searching for Ethan Rome, or rather, Rapid, could I speak to him?" There was a click and a sound of scraping and soon another voice spoke.

"Yes, this is Rapid." She let out a breath.

"Hi Rapid, my name is Alex. I was wondering if we could meet up." The man became silent. It took a minute or two before he answered again.

"What do you need help with?" He asked, sighing.

"Actually, I was wondering if you might consider going on a date with me." Alex giggled with her extremely girly voice, Birkhoff watched her silently. She saw that his face held surprise and that he was about to say something. But she put her finger to his mouth and silenced him.

"Um, well. I don't know you." The hacker said, Alex rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well ergo date. You get to know me!" She could hear someone cough in the background.

"Sure, where do you want to meet?" He said, Alex grunted happily.

"Why don't you decide?" She said, he decided on a place and a time and she agreed before hanging up. She breathed out and sat back in her chair. Birkhoff stood up.

"What the hell?" Was all he said, Alex turned to him.

"What?" Birkhoff walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Why did you do that?" He shook her lightly.

"I didn't know what else to do, you can come with me and keep an eye, then you can do whatever we were supposed to do with him. I'm guessing cancelation or Percy wants to recruit him. If it's cancelation then I can take care of it, if it's recruiting I'll just drag him into the van and tell him I want to do something nasty to him." Birkhoff sighed and shook his head.

"You do know that won't work, right?"

"Why?" Axel stared at him with confusion.

"Cause this is the thing with geeks like us, if a girl wants you, there's something wrong with her." Axel sighed and pushed him away from her so she could stand up.

"Yeah, I remember, you told me before." Alex leaned in closer to Birkhoff and smiled. "I remember clearly that conversation. I don't easily forget our conversations." She could feel his breath on her face and suddenly she felt the urge to kiss him. She wanted to taste his lips so bad. She leaned in even closer on him and she noticed how stiff he became. Her lips were just about an inch away from his, she sucked in his breath and looked into his eyes. She could see the confusion in his.

**Birkhoff's POV**

He could feel himself turning stiff as her smell hit his nose, she smelled so good. He could feel his body becoming numb as he forced himself not to touch her. He was not going to kiss her, that was what he had decided on, yet this was getting far too close to a kiss. Birkhoff could feel the pain growing in his groin and he moaned silently, and as he did, he felt Alex lips touch his own, her soft tongue entering his mouth and playing with his own, unknowingly he closed his eyes and kissed her back, his hands tracing their way up her back and into her hair. He tasted her as he pressed their bodies closer together. As one of his hands stroked her bottom he felt her moan into his mouth, which only turned him on even more. She deepened their kiss and he quietly obeyed, having no objections. Birkhoff felt her hands touching his back and soon they were twirling themselves into his hair, he could feel her need and she could probably feel his too. He groaned into her lips and she pushed even harder against him. His hands tightened their grip around her small body. He tried to ignore the loud warning bells that rang in the back of his head. If anyone found out, they would both be cancelled. He could feel his own hands retreating from her lovely body and suddenly he became very unsure. He wanted her, yes. And very much at that, but not like this. Her grabbed her shoulders and forced her away from him. Something inside him screamed in anger.

"Alex, no." Her beautiful eyes stared into his own grey-blue eyes

"Why not, Birkhoff? I want this." Birkhoff sighed and sat down.

"I might want this too, but not like th-" He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Percy barged into his little hub, interrupting their conversation.

"How's the research going?" Birkhoff watched as Alex grew tenser by the moment. She stared with frightened eyes at him, he simply turned to face Percy.

"Good. Actually, Alex was the one that found him, she even spoke to him and they're going on a date." He saw, from the corner of his eye, that Alex relaxed. Only seconds later she also turned to face Percy with a smile.

"Yes, are we recruiting or canceling him?" She asked in her professional voice and Percy smiled as he walked towards her. Percy's hand landed on her shoulder and he nodded.

"Good work. Maybe you two should start working more often together, since you seem to be quite the team." Birkhoff heard Alex gasp and smiled slightly. "And Alex, you will recruit this man when you meet him. Amanda will give you the details, but be swift about it. Tag him and bag him, no fuss." Birkhoff slouched down on the couch.

"Okay, boss." Alex said in a distant voice

"I'll book you up with Amanda at 10'o clock tomorrow." Alex just nodded, seeming too tired to answer or objects against. Percy muttered something and walked away, suddenly Alex was in front of him looking madder then he'd ever seen her.

"What. The. Hell?" Birkhoff wrinkled his eyebrows. "Why didn't you tell me Percy was coming?" He stared at her and snorted

"You think I knew?" She crossed her arms angrily.

"Yes." Anger flashed across his mind but disappeared just as soon as it had showed.

"You believe that? Then okay. That was why I kissed you, so I could get cancelled. Yeah, sure. And I still save your ass back there." The look on her face suddenly changed, and she looked so unsure. Her hands fell to her sides and she sighed.

"Thanks." She sat down beside him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out on you like that." Birkhoff looked at her, she really was sorry. He whole body language told him that she was sorry. He moaned quietly as he gave up his inner fight.

"It's okay, I don't mind." She straightened up in the sofa to look at him.

"What? Are you sure?" He nodded at smiled.

"Though, I do think you should leave. I need my beauty sleep and my privacy as a man." She snickered at him as she stood up.

"Oh, if you need any help at all, just tell me." He could feel a semi-hard coming on. He watched as she leaned over him, her hand touching his crutch. She smiled as she kissed his lips. He had to make himself sit still and soon she withdrew and walked away, leaving him horny and alone. He moaned loudly and let his head fall back into the couch. His hand slid down to the hard-on in his pants. Birkhoff undid the zippers on his jeans and eased them down with his boxers. His hand touched the erection and he shuddered lightly. His eyes closed and Niki's face was all he could see. He smiled slightly and stroked himself.

"Welcome back, Niki." He whispered with a smile. His hand stroked the erection and his breathing became heavier by each stroke as it built up to an orgasm. Suddenly Niki's face blurred out and Birkhoff stopped abruptly and soon realized that a new face was coming up, Alex's face. He'd always had Niki inside of his mind, but all of a sudden things changed. Birkhoff didn't like not having things under control, after all he was a control freak. First, Alex starts to attract his attention, then she starts to enter his dreams and then she kisses him and now? Well, she just stole away his private time.

What the hell was going on?

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><p><strong>This time I'm sorry for the late chapter! I've been very, very, very off! And the worst part is that chapter 2, 3 and 4 have been completed for almost a month! I wrote them during night shifts and well, I don't know. I just haven't taken the time to write them over to the computer. I'm like that, I write by hand and then use the computer to fix the errors and such, and I still have alot of it wrong!<strong>

**Still, who gives a damn, right? I mean, the chapters up now! FINALLY! :D Tell me what you think!**


	3. I think I'm falling for you

**Chapter 3**

She awoke in the middle of the night, frightened to death. Her clothes were wet and her room felt damp. She'd been sweating a lot. And she couldn't even remember what the nightmare was about. She'd just remembered how scared she'd been and running. She remembered running away from something. Alex could hear footsteps outside her room, she guessed it was one of the guards patrolling the corridors. She got out of bed, since she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep any more that night, and changed into something less sweaty. When she was done she sat down by her desk and stared into empty space. She really had nothing to do right now, her eyes flickered to the clock. 05:47. She sighed heavily.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me." Alex moaned silently and stood up, she decided that the only thing she could do this early in the morning was work out. And that she did.

For three hours she trained on kicks and hits. Pushing herself to her limit just to get perfection into them. Kicking harder each time. She looked up at the clock, it was nearly nine. She sighed once again and breathed out. One hour left before her conversation with Amanda, she threw her towel over her shoulder and drank her water. Amanda wouldn't be glad if she came into her room smelling sweaty so Alex headed for the showers.

She let the cold water hit her warm skin and she fell to the floor. She gripped her head and tried to calm her thoughts. Why had the nightmares started again? She didn't understand. She used to have them before, before Nikita saved her. That was one of the reasons to why she was a junkie, or an ex-junkie now. Nikita had in some weird way taken away her nightmares but now it seemed, they were back to haunt her sleep away. She stood up again and started to shampoo her hair and her body. Caressing it carefully, in some ways she enjoyed this so much. And she didn't know why, but lately she hadn't felt like going home. She actually slept better in the recruit beds than in her own warm, fluffy bed. Maybe her time here had kind of made her like it, even though she hated the part where she had to kill. She didn't like it, she didn't like the blood and she felt so dirty every time she had to do it. As an agent she had a lot more kill-jobs than she had while she was a recruit. She washed her hair thoroughly and soon decided that she smelled nice enough to visit Amanda, she quickly dried her hair and hurried over to Amanda.

She knocked once at the door and Amanda opened it with a slight smile.

"Alex, right on time. Please, come in." Amanda left the door open and let Alex walk into the room, closing the door behind her. Alex sat down across Amanda and smiled towards her. "It would seem you didn't sleep well last night, I heard from some of our co-workers that you have been working out since 6 in the morning. " Alex lost her smile and stared at Amanda.

"Yes." She never had liked Amanda, actually, the woman creeped the hell out of her.

"And why is that?" Amanda crossed her legs and sipped of her tea.

"I.. " She hesitated, was it for the better for tell her? "I had a nightmare." Amanda looked thoughtful and interested. She leaned a bit forward.

"What was it about?" Alex though, she felt as if though something was missing from her, but the running is what she could remember. And the faces, so many faceless faces.

"I don't really remember, something about running away. And people without faces. They said something, something important but I really can't remember." Amanda nodded.

"Have you ever experienced these sort of dreams before?" Alex nodded shortly. "Tell me." Alex raised an eyebrow, as If to question Amanda but she hushed her thoughts.

"Yes, before I was a junkie." Amanda nodded again, as if agreeing in some ways, maybe she was agreeing with herself. Alex didn't know.

"Hm, maybe it's nothing but if you have these kind of nightmares again, please tell me." Alex simply nodded, she really didn't want to argue with Amanda. "So, let's go on with what you really came here for. We're going to try some dresses for the date and pretty you up and then you'll get to talk to Michael about how you will recruit the man and then Birkhoff wanted to see you." Alex stood up.

"Then, let's begin." Alex tried on the blue dress, the green dress, the purple dress, the black dress, the red dress, the velvet one, the satin one , the cotton one and apparently Amanda wasn't happy with either one of them. Just as Alex was about to turn around and go change dress for about the 500th time, Michael walked into the room.

"Try the brown one, it will look good on you and it's not overkill." Alex smiled.

"Hello Michael." Amanda said in her low voice, Michael nodded.

"Alex, hurry up and get fixed, I'm on a tight schedule." Alex hurried into the brown dress, but on her makeup and hurried up to Michael's side.

"Bye, Amanda!" She called as she hurried out from Amanda's room, she really, really_, _**really** didn't like it in there. "Thanks for saving me." She glanced up towards his face, as always he kept a cold face. "So, what are you going to show me?" Michael glanced down and met her gaze.

"It's not important at all, actually. I just noticed you've been with Amanda for about two and a half hours so I thought I'd save you." Alex laughed.

"Thanks, I really needed it. I thought she was going to kill me with those dresses." She heard Michael chuckle and she laughed again. "I like this though, you really have good taste. This isn't the first time you've chosen me a dress." He shrugged.

"I guess it's easy to pick dresses for you, it's not hard to choose, really." He sounded kind of bored so she decided not to talk about it anymore. They walked into the operations room and Michael pressed a button on the keyboard and a movie was shown on the screens.

"This is our newest knockout method, it's really helpful actually. As soon as you get close enough you use this to knock your opponent out. It's like a stun gun, only better." Alex nodded.

"So this is the method I will use?" Michael nodded.

"Exactly, when you get him away from the crowds you use this, then you call for us. Okay?"

"I understand." Michael smiled towards her.

"Good, now you should really go see Birkhoff, he's been nagging me about bringing you to him, I wonder why." He raised an eyebrow towards her and she stared at him very innocently.

"I wonder why." She repeated and left.

**Birkhoff's POV**

He felt so much different than he had with Niki, he'd never been this… Obsessed with Niki. It was like he needed her every day, every time, everywhere. He watched her more intimately for every passing minute. As soon as she moved, he was there to watch her. And it scared him, how come he suddenly felt such extreme feelings towards her? It was as if something Alien had taken over him and suddenly he was just watching what his body did, he couldn't do anything. Only watch with fright. He leaned back in his chair and dragged his fingers through his hair. Why did he like he? Why did he want her? He hadn't slept much because of these horrible thoughts and around six he'd had enough and walked to the OP room and there she was, on the training ground, fighting the dummy with all her might, he watched as she flexed her muscles, as her tight thigh kicked the dummy, her hair flipping back and forth. His whole body craved her that moment. He'd been so closed to walk out there to her and take her hard on the floor, but he hadn't. He'd restrained himself and ran back to his room, taking an ice cold shower to forget the whole thing.

Without thinking he had asked Amanda to let him see Alex after her session with her, and then he'd asked Michael the same thing. He didn't know why he'd done it. Actually, it had been really stupid but now he was sitting in his room, waiting for a pretty girl to walk in. And he didn't have to wait as long as he thought before she walked in, looking dashing. Her brown dress clung to her small body and showed off her curves, her light makeup only brought out here beautiful eyes even more. He hair pinned to her head. She walked gracefully over to him and she was smiling.

"You asked for me, Birkhoff?" She said, sitting down in once easy movement. He gulped.

"Yes." He could feel his nervousness building up more and more but he had to bite it back down and take a deep breath. "Yes, I did." She smiled even brighter as she leaned towards him.

"And why did you ask for me?" She purred, he leaned back into his chair even more.

"Because.." He took a deep breath, he needed to figure this out. "I wanted to talk about yesterday."

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><p><strong>So guys, here it is! The third chapter, not as good, not as much Birkhoff, but still. I won't takes a long time with chapter four, I promise!<strong>

**It's just that summers here, it's warm and so comfy to be outside, to drink, to smoke, to read, to write. But since I don't use laptops, I can't write outside, well. Duh, with paper. Which is the only think i write on, as you know. Or do you? I don't remember if I told you last time.. Hm, I'll have to check that up sometime soon. Aaanyways, whadd'ya think?Like it?  
>I didn't. There's no smut, there's no real love. Just obsession and crazyness. and Amanda. I guess that belongs to crazyness... <strong>


	4. Sleeping in my car

**I am your god, am I not? This is awesomeness of me, really. it is. I'm so good today. ANON, I LOVE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE 3 When I uploaded todays chapter I got this really funny review by an anon and I love this person. I really do, even though it wasn't a really special comment I still loved it. So if you know who you are, this chapter is dedicated to you and i must thank you, cause you are the one that made me write this chapter! I was planning on just writing one chapter for today, but then I read the comment and I finished the forth chapter too. And I am soon to be finished with chapter five! Admit it, you kind of love me ;) Just kind of!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Birkhoff and Alex started to spend more and more time with each other as the days passed, mostly because Percy set them up, but in the corner of Birkhoff's mind, he wondered why Percy insisted on having them together all the time. Before he realized it the day of Alex's date with Ethan Rome had come.

Birkhoff sat by his computer when he heard her walk down the stairs and into his room. He turned around and as soon as he saw her, anger flashed across his eyes. She was wearing a tight champagne colored dress and black high heels. Her hair was curled and she looked so much more than just amazing. He turned back to his computer.

"You're early." He said shortly.

"And you're cheery." He snorted.

"Hm." His fingers playing with the keyboard "I'm sending you the new update to your phone." He listened intently as she walked up behind him.

"Why are you mad, Seymour?" Her hands twisting around him, drawing him into a hug, he tried to push her away but lost his strength. He always did when he was with her.

"Alex, stop it." He whispered as she breathed into his ear. He shuddered lightly.

"Why should I stop when I know you're enjoying this?" She kissed him lightly on his throat.

"I mean it, Alex! I'm angry!" She immediately let him go and he let out a deep breath. "Okay, well. Thanks. So, I'm joining your OP. I'll be listening in and talking you through your date with him." He suddenly whipped his chair around to look at her, Alex looked really worried as she stared into his brown eyes, he sighed lowly.

"Don't listen in, please Seymour." He snorted.

"Do you really think I want to listen in on you flirting with some other guy?" Alex shook her head.

"No, but I really don't want you to listen." Birkhoff sighed and shook his head.

"You know that I have no choice, Percy makes me listen in on almost every mission just in case something happens." He had no time to react before Alex's lips were upon his own. She kissed him passionately and clung to him desperately until they both heard the footsteps that were closing in on them and they quickly broke apart. Michael soon entered the room.

"Alex, the car is ready now." Alex nodded and turned to Birkhoff.

"Bye, nerd." She started to walk away but Michael just raised an eyebrow.

"Alex, he's coming with us." Birkhoff stood behind her, he chuckled lowly and walked past her and up the stairs. He stopped and looked back at her.

"Coming, Alex?" Birkhoff said before he continued to walk again, he could hear Alex hurry up behind him with Michael right behind her. He couldn't help but smile to himself.

**Alex POV**

Alex sat in the car, tugging her dress down since it seemed like it wanted her to show all of her parts. She glanced at Birkhoff whom sat beside her in the backseat with a laptop in his lap, he caressed it lovingly and Alex had to look away. She felt jealous, of a computer. She turned to Michael.

"Are we there yet?" She yawned loudly and watched as Michael gripped the steering wheel harder.

"Soon, Alex." He said in a short tone, Alex snorted and looked outside the window. The trees where speeding by and became blurry in her vision. She sighed as her hand touched the window. There was so much life out there in the real world. She felt like a bird in a cage, she didn't really live her own life. She always had someone to tell her what to do. She didn't want to become an assassin, she hadn't meant to kill Thom, she'd had the gun to protect herself against Nikita and then Thom suddenly ran up to her and she shot him, she'd really liked Thom. Jaden was also a mistake, she'd seen her and Birkhoff together and when Jaden had asked Alex about it she'd freaked. She did the only thing she knew how to do, cancel her. Those guards hadn't been on purpose either, they were just in the way when she was doing her mission. She'd killed so many in such a short time. How come there were so many death's on her shoulders?

When she robbed that drug store she'd just planned on stealing some drugs, she hadn't meant to kill that man either. It just sort of happened. And then she was in division, clean and safe. Or as safe as a murderer could be. She stared at her fogged handprint on the window. As she watched it slowly started to fade away.

"Alex!" Her face snapped in the direction of the voice. She stared into Michaels eyes. "Were you even listening to what I just said?" Alex glanced at Birkhoff, whom shrugged, before looking back to Michael once again.

"Sorry, no." He sighed and turned off the engine.

"I said: We're here and I think I'm going to follow you and sit by a nearby table, Birkhoff will also join us, as you already know. He will sit inside of the café and communicate with you." Alex nodded and walked out of the car and to the café. She saw him sitting there.

"Simon Rome?" She said smiling, she leaned towards his face and she watched as his eyes focused on her breasts.

"Yeah?" He said, Alex's smile broadened.

"Great!" She said happily and sat down across him. "I'm Alex, the one you spoke to?" Someone bumped into her shoulder really hard and she turned to face the person.

"Hey, you should apologize for-" Birkhoff turned to face her and smiled. She took a deep breath.

"I'm terribly sorry for bumping into such a fine dame like yourself." Alex lost her senses when he smiled at her like that. She mentally shook her head hard.

"Leave me alone Seymour, we're through." Birkhoff suddenly lost his smile so Alex continued her act, watching his face. "I dumped you Seymour, remember? So will you stop stalking me?" Finally Birkhoff caught on and his smile came back.

"Aw, babe, come on!" He gripped her arm loosely.

"Let go of me!" Suddenly Simon stood up, anger flashed in his eyes.

"Hey! Cut it out! She doesn't want to go with you, okay?" Birkhoff let go of her and put his hands up, as if he was trying to look innocent. Simon pushed him away and gripped Alex's arm, he dragged her away from the café in a matter of seconds.

"_Hey, great job out there, both of you. You just fucking ruined it."_ Michael said shortly.

"_Come on, it was fun."_ Alex heard Birkhoff say as he laughed. Michael cleared his throat.

"Hey, thanks a lot for that, Simon." Alex said when they stopped. She had no idea where she was. Alex stared into his grey eyes and saw that something was terribly wrong. "Simon?" What is it?" He shook his head roughly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She told me to drag you here." Alex touched his arm.

"Who told you? Simon, tell me! Who told you?" Alex spun around as someone tried to creep up behind her. "What have you done, Simon?" Alex pushed the first guy away.

"_Alex, where the hell are you? Your tracker isn't showing up!" _Alex hit the second guy in the shoulder and ducked when the third guy tried to hit her, she threw him over her shoulder and kicked his throat, she heard a cracking noise as her foot connected with the man's throat.

"I don't know. Birkhoff, save me!" One of the guys grabbed her hand and another on hit her in the face. Simon suddenly ran up to all of them.

"Get all of her communication equipment!" Simon shouted to the men. Alex kicked the guy in front of her and head bumped the guy behind her.

"Michael, Birkhoff! Get the hell over here and help me!" She shouted while hitting one of the guys in the face. One was dead but soon she would lose, she couldn't handle 6 more well-trained soldiers. Not at the same time at least. She was good, she just wasn't that good. Suddenly she felt an extreme pain in the back of her head and she fell. In her fall, there was only darkness.

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><p><strong>So, tell me what you think! I for once is actually quite happy about this chapter, it's nothing special I just like it. It felt different from what I usually write. But maybe it's not. <strong>

**Now, go get drunk and party all night! If you're not underage that is... Then you can go, I don't know, eat melons? That's good, they taste yummy!  
>Oh, just realized that it's wendsdaythursday so you're not supposed to drink, then sorry. Scratch that part! Eat ice cream and go have fun!**


	5. In the morning, when you wake up

**Soo, guys! Chapter 5, huh? Waddya say? Actually, this is the last chapter of this series, cause I really don't like it. **

**I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Nah! I'm just kidding ya'll! Of course I'll continue, that is if you want me to? Which I hope you do, cause if you don't then I'll be kind of sad. **

**So, I was hoping that some of you could actually tell me what you think about it. Cause this chapter is kind of.. Well.. I don't know, I like it and I hate it.**

** Oh sorry! I don't know if I told you, Niki's a bad, bad girl in this fanfiction! Michael still loves her, somewhat, but she's a bitch and she's evil. And she's coming back. Though, this might be a short chapter, well. Haha, all of them are! I write about two word document pages and that sure is enough for me! But you see guys, I could never do what I want! Authoring is not my thing I just noticed. Is authoring even a word? Well, I want to be a author, but I can't. Cause I couldn't finish writing a book even if my life depended on it.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 - In the morning, when you wake up.<strong>

"Good morning, sleepy head." Alex moaned, her hand stopping the sun from reaching her eyes, there was a sound of metal scraping against something but she hardly noticed it. She tasted the blood in her mouth and she swallowed it hard with disgust. Slowly she opened her eyes and what she saw didn't exactly surprise her, in some weird way, she already knew. Nikita smiled at her and Alex flinched involuntarily at that smile. The wood in the chair dug into her back and she bit together.

"Nikita." Alex tried to loosen her cuffs but they wouldn't budge. "Why are you doing this?" She checked her environment and they seemed to be in an abandoned building. Judging by the size of the windows, she would say an old hotel or something like that. Nikita suddenly sat down beside her.

"I couldn't just let you recruit dear Mr. Simon Rome, now could I? I needed him." Alex shook her body, trying once more to get out.

"Then why did you let him meet up with me?" She laughed and stroke hair away from Alex's face.

"Cause I wanted you too, sweetie. I've hear a lot about you. I know all about you. I actually know of the real you, Alexandra." Alex turned her head away in fear.

"My name is Alex Winslow and you already know that I work for division." Nikita simply shook her head.

"Oh, my sweet Alexandra. I know so much more about you than you know. And I know for a fact that you just lied to me, isn't that right?" Nikita stood up. Alex was just about to comment when she heard a voice in her head.

"_Alex, let he speak. I'm trying to get a lock on your signal but it's hard. Just keep calm, I'm with you." _Alex breathed out, she felt so much safer now that she knew Birkhoff was doing his best to find her, that is until a gun was shoved in her face.

"Oh, I feel so much safer now. Talk? I don't really feel like talking when I have a freaking gun pointed to my head!" She could hear the sudden fear in her own voice.

"_Shit! Alex, are you alright? Alex, can you answer me?"_ There was a sudden silence in her head and then Birkhoff drew in a deep breath_. "Fuck, how are you supposed to answer me? God, I'm trying my best! I'll get you out of there, I swear Alex. I swear on my life that I will save you."_ She could hear the panic in his voice and in some weird way it filled her with joy. He actually cared about her enough to fear for her. He worried about her safety. He mind suddenly began to drift away but Nikita dragger her back into reality with the back of her gun. Alex shouted as the pain hit her and she could feel warm liquid fall down her cheek and onto her clothes. Anger slowly filled her up.

"So this is how you treat your _guests_?" Alex smiled, tasting the blood on her lip. "Hitting them with your gun? Do you feel like a man now?"

"A little blood and pain always helps the conversation," She said with that lovely voice of hers, "Don't you agree, Alexandra?" Alec could hear Birkhoff working in the background.

"So apparently I can't get that microphone out of you without killing you, the same goes for the transmitter you have there in your neck. I now you can hear me, whoever it is that's sitting in the Operations Room right now, it's probably Birkhoff, right?" Nikita looked over at Alex, taking her chin in her hand. "No, this is Michael's type of girl so it should be Michael right? Michael should be the one trying to help you out from here."Nikita harshly let go of Alex's chin. "No? Then it's Birkhoff." Alex could hear Birkhoff muttering something from the OP's room. "You changed your taste, I thought you didn't like them quiet." Nikita smiled at Alex, making her shiver. "When did you guys start putting the chip in the neck? I know you developed it while I was working with you, but when did you actually finish the kill chip?" Alex stared at Nikita with huge eyes.

"W-What?" Nikita only laughed at her.

"Oh, they didn't tell you? Yeah, you have a kill chip in the back of your neck, meaning that if you do something wrong, they'll activate it and kill you." Alex shook her head, tears started to fill her eyes faster than she could blink them away. Nikita watched as her tears fell to the floor.

"They wouldn't do that, _he_ wouldn't do that. Not to me." Nikita walked around Alex and grabbed her by her hair.

"You shut up and let me speak." She released Alex with a push. "So, I need you to give this message to Michael for me: I killed Kasim and now you'll have to repay me." Axel bit back, not wanting to show any more weakness to this enemy of hers. She snorted loudly.

"So you kidnapped me because you wanted to talk to Michael? God, you are pathetic, aren't you?" Before Alex had even realized it, Nikita's fist connected with her face. Once again, blood was sprayed across her face and she spitted it out of her mouth. She felt as though a train had run over her face a couple of times. "You don't need me anymore so just let me go. Please"

"I need you because of who you are, Alexandra." Alex just sighed. Nikita hurried over to the bench and wrote something on a paper, she walked over to Alex and shoved the paper into her face.

"Read it." Alex stared at the paper for a while, letting her blurry eyes focus on the text for a while before realizing something horrible. She knew.

Two words. No. A full name.

Alexandra Udinov.

Alex gasped, feeling as though all of the air just left her lungs.

"How did you?" She gasped.

"I know because I was the one who saved you all those years ago. I dragged you out of the house and now I need you to repay the favor. I need your help." Nikita touched her and Alex recoiled from the touch and stared up into Nikita's eyes."I'll get some bandage so I can patch you up." Nikita hurried away towards a medical box.

"I won't help you." Nikita dropped the box onto the floor, the metallic sound echoed through the room and soon died out.

"What?" Alex cleared her throat.

"You heard me just fine, I won't help you. You're my enemy and frankly, I don't like your ass. You've kidnapped me, you've hit me with your gun and you've fisted my face. No, sorry scratch that. Did I say I dislike? I meant I hate your skinny ass, bitch." Nikita suddenly seemed inhumanly fast as she crossed the room. Maybe it was the being hit in the head one too many time, she had no idea but she didn't like what she knew was coming for her. Nikita's fists started hitting her face and she could hear her own pulse running through her veins. She could hear Birkhoff hammering away on the computer, breathing heavily, too busy trying to save her. She could hear him whisper her name, like a prayer. And it sounded beautiful. She noticed how her mind began to show her images, pretty ones. Gorgeous sceneries with different people. Then she remember what was happened and she snapped back into reality. She noticed quite quickly that Nikita had stopped using her face as a punching bag, which was kind of nice. Even though she felt dead.

"Hey, this building looks pretty big, abandoned too. Pretty old I would s-" She was interrupted by Nikita's hand covering her mouth.

"You finish that sentence and I will kill you." Alex groaned painfully as Nikita's hand pressed against her fresh wounds. The pain was starting to take the better hand of her.

"_Thanks Alex, that will help. I'm so sorry. I really am."_ Birkhoff whispered sadly.

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><p><strong>Actually the last thing Alex says here:<strong>

"So this is how you treat your _guests_?" Alex smiled, tasting the blood on her lip. "Hitting them with your gun? Do you feel like a man now?"

**the 'do you feel like a man now' part came from when I listened to face down by jumpsuit apparatus. Such a great and horrible song! So tell me guys, does she feel like a man when she hits you with a gun?**


	6. Taste of your touch

**This chapter is dedicated to:  
><strong>  
><strong>Andraya TheLat<strong>

**Since she was the only one kind enough to write a review. I love you mate, and this one is for you. I hope you like it! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

Alex awoke by Nikita's voice.

"You've been passed out for the last couple of hours. You know, it doesn't have to be like this." Nikita walked back and forth, arms crossed. "I didn't mean to hurt you that bad. I'm sorry."Alex shook her head lightly and notices that she was bandaged. "I patched you up while you were unconscious. Oh, just so you know, we've changed location. Feels so much safer, right?" Alex groaned, she didn't feel like talking to this bitch and she didn't want to be here. Her head hurt and so many more parts, she felt like she was actually dying. She blinked her eyes a few time, trying to gain focus. "Hmm, seems like you have a concussion too." Nikita sat down on a chair in front of her. "Sorry, again." She said and sighed.

"_Alex, are you alright?" _

Michael's worried voice rang in her head, making her headache worse. _"We haven't been able to reach you for hours, but Birkhoff told me your pulse just increased so that means you're awake and alive."_ She licked her lips and felt the irony taste of her own blood.

"Yeah." She mumbled, feelings as if her throat had dried out.

"_Alex? Can you hear me?" _Michael's voice again, if possible, he sounded even more worried. Alex took a deep breath and made herself speak louder.

"Yeah." She said, biting back when she felt her wounds going up. Nikita suddenly smiled towards her.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you, I actually found a way to get that microphone out of you while you were out. Good, huh? Now no one can listen in on us girls talking." Alex cursed silently, wishing for this woman's death.

"_Alex! Answer me!"_ Michael suddenly shouted, making her heart jump_. "Birkhoff, why isn't she answering me? You told me she'd awoken, that her pulse was normal again."_ Now she was the one listening in on their conversation.

"_I don't know! Her microphone is online so she should be able to answer you."_ Birkhoff answered, she heard the clattering of a keyboard. _"Maybe Niki found a way to take them out without killing her?"_ Birkhoff sighed, he sounded so tired. Alex met Nikita's eyes.

"Why do you need me?" Alex said, trying to focus.

"I need someone on the inside, someone I can count on." Alex snorted loudly.

"Well you can count me out." She noticed that her speech was kind of blurry and she sighed. "Just let me go, please. I just want to get back home." Nikita laughed at her.

"Home? Division isn't _home_." Alex shook her head.

"My apartment. I want to be with my boyfriend, Ethan." Alex lied, she had used her neighbor as a cover a lot of times before, it's not like it was any different this time. Nikita suddenly looked shocked and very sad.

"You have a boyfriend outside division?" Alex nodded and a not so faked tear fell down her cheek, she actually was crying, finally releasing the pain. "Do they know about him?" Alex shook her head.

"No, I haven't dared to tell Amanda about him. After all, relationships are forbidden on the inside." Alex let her head fall down, she didn't have the energy to keep the façade up for long. "Please, just let me go home." She glanced up to see Nikita standing there with a devastating look.

"Don't ever let Division find out about him, okay? They'll kill him if they do." Alex let her head hang, feeling dead anyway. She heard Nikita rise and walk up behind her. Suddenly she was free, she fell to the floor with a loud thump. Alex carefully massaged her swollen wrists, there was barely any skin left on them.

"Thank you." She whispered before Nikita knocked her out again.

**Birkhoff's POV**

Birkhoff shouted for Michael. Michael soon stormed into the OP's room.

"What?" He said while trying to catch his breath.

"Her signals back online! She's in the graveyard, near her tombstone." Birkhoff said happily. Michael rushed out of the room leaving a very tired Birkhoff alone. He smiled with delight, 18 hours she had been off the radar and finally she was back. He stumbled back into his room, barely keeping his eyes open. He flew down on his bed, going out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He awoke a few hours later when Michael walked into his room.

"Percy wants you to reinstall the microphone again." Birkhoff yawned loudly and sat up, scratching his head as he did so.

"Yeah, I'm coming." He hurried away to the emergency room with his laptop and the new chip in his hands. As soon as he entered the room he felt relief as he watched Alex sleep with her back to him. He sat the laptop down on the bench and walked around the bed. His hands flew over his mouth as he saw her swollen face. He barely recognized her. She was beaten to a pulp. Her nose was broken, her eyebrow had been cracked, and she had a deep wound in her forehead and not to talk about her cheeks, a split lip and swollen eyes. Her throat was full of dried blood. He could feel tears slowly filling his eyes but he bit them back. How the hell could Niki have done this to her? She was just a girl! He could feel how his love for Niki slowly turned into hatred the more he stared at Alex's injuries. He clasped his fists.

"She's lost a lot of blood, poor girl. I hardly understand how she held on that long. What you can see on her face isn't all. She has two broken ribs and a concussion. And her whole body is bruised." The doctor gently lifted her arm. "Just look at her wrists, you can see that she struggled to get out of whatever it was that held her to her place." There was blood on them, the skin looked like it had been torned off. "I can't even begin to imagine the pain she must have felt, is feeling." Birkhoff nodded, feeling a bit sick and speechless at the moment. He would get her, he wanted revenge for this.

Birkhoff silently helped the doctor install the chip and get it to work. The doctor walked away after giving her the last check up. Birkhoff rattled away on the computer, refusing to leave her alone. Not before long he heard her stir. He turned around and smiled slightly towards her.

"Morning, sunshine." She blinked a few times before smiling back at him. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "How do you feel?" She tried to sit up but he stopped her. "no, Alex. That's a bad idea." He whispered sweetly. She smiled again, her hand reaching for her throat and she tried to clear it. "Do you want water, is that it?" She nodded slightly and he helped her up, giving her the mug that stood on the nightstand. She drank it all, coughed a few times before giving it back tom him.

"Thanks." She groaned painfully as he helped her lay down again and he cursed loudly.

"Does it hurt anywhere?" She chuckled lowly.

"Sweetie, I'm hurting all over." He looked at her with a pained face. "No, don't give me that pained look." Birkhoff raised an eyebrow.

"What pained look?" He took a step back, suddenly feeling quite unsure. Amanda stepped into the room to check on Alex.

"Good, you're up." She said coldly, grabbing a chair and sitting down. "We need to go through what happened with Nikita, Alex." Alex nodded, reaching for Birkhoff. He turned towards her and she pointed at her throat. He bit his lip hard, he hated that he had to lie, be his usual self.

"What am I, your lapdog?" He rolled his eyes. "Come on." Alex continued to stare at him, her eyes showing hurt. "Fine." He picked the mug up and walked over to the crane. He refilled the mug with water. Amanda coughed loudly and he felt a need to hurry back with the water, so he did. He helped Alex to sit up and gave her the water. He was just about to help her down again when she spoke.

"I want to sit." She said, Birkhoff nodded at her. He propped her up with pillows and gave her the mug before joining his laptop at the desk.

There was a metallic sound as Alex but down the mug on the nightstand.

"What happened?" Amanda asked in her steel voice.

"Well, the hacker and his guards started fighting with me and I was knocked out from behind. I woke up in a place with Nikita. She said she needed me to be her inside person, when I started to describe the place to Birkhoff she knocked me out. Oh, did I mention the part where she tortured me?" Alex shouted the last part, which made Birkhoff jump in his chair, he sneaked her a peek and she just stared at Amanda with hatred. _Good girl_ Birkhoff thought. Amanda scribbled something in her book.

"And then?" This time Birkhoff turned around completely to watch. Alex looked shocked.

"Come on! I almost died and as soo-" She didn't even get to finish her sentence before her hands flew over her mouth. Birkhoff stared at her in shock.

"She's going to throw up, Birkhoff." Amanda said coldly and shifted in her chair. Birkhoff flew for the gag bag, he gave it to Alex whom emptied her stomach inside it. Amanda stood up abruptly. "We'll continue this later, Alex." She said and left them alone. Birkhoff grabbed one of the towels and gently wiped her mouth.

"Why are you so kind to me, Birkhoff?" Alex said. Birkhoff stared at her.

"Are you serious? After you seduced me like that, don't you think that I would start to care for you?" Alex flashed a smile before biting together.

"Ouch, shouldn't have done that." He watched as blood slowly started to run down her chin, he dipped the towel into the mug and then slowly pressed it against her lips. His smile disappearing.

"I'm so sorry, Alex." She shook her head.

"Don't." Her voice sounded muffled from the towel.

"You could have died, you nearly did." She shook her head again.

"Just don't. I chose to meet up with the guy. And if it's anyone's fault it's Percy's." She said. He raised an eyebrow questioning. "Well, he started everything. Though I can't really blame him, cause if he hadn't started Division, I would never have met you." She raised her hand to softly stroke his chin. Birkhoff shivered from her gentle and caring touch. He smiled softly towards her, his hand catching hers.

"I wish we didn't have to act in front of the others." He whispered as he leaned close to her. "I really wish we could show everyone the truth." Alex looked as though she was trying to smile.

"Oh, sweetie. I also wish for that but you know the rule. You know what happens." He nodded hastily.

"God, I missed you so much! Why did you have to run away with him? You would have been alright if you'd only stayed."

"That's true, but if I hadn't gone you would never have showed your feelings like this." He laughed painfully.

"That may be true." She smiled against him.

"I'm tired now, Birkhoff." He nodded and stroked her hair.

"I'll go then." He stood up and started to walk away when something grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He turned to look at Alex.

"Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. I'm so afraid that she'll come after me again, I don't want that. Please, just stay." He voice sounded shaky and full of panic. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips.

"I'll watch over you, don't you worry."

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><p><strong>Well don't worry guys, your torture is soon to be over since this is one of the last chapters. I don't know how many more I'll write. I was actually planning on doing like 10 more, but I don't really feel like it. I think there will be like 3 more chapters or so, but I hope you'll like the ending that coming on! Who knows, I'm not one of those who likes to write kind endings!<strong>

**So I have summer vacation, I've started training and I'm working up a tan! What are you doing?**


	7. You have suffered enough

**Oh god, I cannot believe how long it's been since I last updated. I am so sorry that it's taken so long. I've actually had this chapter finished since 6 or 7 months back but I just didn't feel like updating. This is a chapter that I don't really like, it's bad, really bad. I don't like the storyline of it, I don't like anything about it. But I'm uploading it cause this is how I decided that it would go and this is how i'm going to continue writing it. I just hope that you like it.**

**There will only be one or two more chapters to this story I think, cause I really need to finish it. And if I make it any longer, it will never, ever be finished.**

**So, to my old fans out there. It's finally here, the seventh chapter. And I know, it's short. Sorry~**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Alex watched as Michael bent down over her to check on her injuries.

"You alright, Alex?" She wanted to shake her head, to tell him that, no. She wasn't alright. Not anymore. Not after Nikita. In some ways that little encounter had ruined her, again. Her old nightmares had come back, the ones from her childhood. And now there new ones too. Ones with Nikita in them, and it ruined her. Crushed her like a bug. She'd overheard Amanda talking to Percy about canceling her, and strangely enough, he had refused. Told her that she was a necessity for Divison. Alex had no idea why Percy had suddenly gotten interested in her, but it scared her. It scared her to death. Cause if he dug enough he would find out the truth, the truth about her coming here, about her past. Why she actually searched for that man in the drug store. He would find out about her secret.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She halfheartedly smiled at him, for reassurance.

"You don't look fine." She shrugged.

"It hurt, but I'm fine." Michael didn't look convinced, still he nodded and left her to sleep.

Alex sat down in the food court, she was poking her food with the fork, pushing it around on the plate. She hadn't been able to sleep anything that night, or at least not more than half an hour before the nightmares had awoken her. And now here she was, not able to eat her breakfast, which was probably delicious. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Nowadays she could barely do anything, she couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep and she could barely even workout. Some days she sat with Birkhoff, watching him work with the computers, but mostly she was just like a zombie, zoning out and staring into empty air. At first she'd thought she'd been okay when she woke up in the hospital wing, but no. Apparently she had been in shock, and the drugs they gave her were pretty heavy. One night she'd tried to steal some of them, but Michael had caught her, she'd told a swift lie about how her wounds hurt and she wanted something against it. He'd given her two painkillers and a pat on the back before sending her to her room again. Alex had tried asking the doctor for some, but he'd told her that since she'd been a junkie it wasn't possible. Those painkillers were too dangerous for her, apparently they were addictive. So yeah, her life was a living hell and there was nothing she could do about it except sit around.

A hand on her shoulder was what awoke her from her zombie state, an unwilling shiver went down her spine and froze her whole body up.

"Alex?" She turned her face and stared into the eyes of Michael. "How are you doing?" Once again she shrugged, "You look a bit… Off." There was a concerned look in his eyes.

"I've just been sleeping bad, that's all." She brushed his hand from her shoulder and grabbed the fork, forcing food into her mouth. Alex heard the scraping from a chair as Michael sat down next to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He leaned forward, checking her face for clues. Alex closed her eyes and chewed the food slowly, swallowing hard.

"It's just that my body hurt, I can't really lie down." _Keep the act up, Alex. You can do this._

"Sometimes I hear you, you know. Screaming in your dreams. Is it about Nikita?" Alex looked away, she knew that her eyes would fail her.

"Nah, just memories. Doc said the drugs could do this to me." Actually, he hadn't. He'd told her quite the opposite. Michael slowly nodded as she turned to face him again, she smiled. "So you don't have to worry about it, Michael. I really am fine." The smile was forced and she knew Michael could see it. He looked hurt as he nodded again and left her alone at the table. Alex let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding in and continued to poke the food. This couldn't continue, she had to get better, otherwise they might start to do checkups on her. With her last strength she pushed more food into her mouth, chewed and then swallowed. She waited and nodded, it seemed to be working. Just as she was about to fill her mouth again, she felt it. Alex, threw herself away from the table and ran with all her might to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

"DAMN IT!" Alex shouted as her fist connected with the wall. She was panting heavily and she felt like her whole body had turned inside out. What the hell was going on? She really couldn't eat anymore, it was like her body rejected food. There was a knock on the door, then silence, then another knock.

"Alex?" Her heart froze. Amanda. _No, no, no. God, please not her. _"Alex, open the door." Alex took a deep breath and unlocked the door. Amanda opened it and stepped inside, she slowly closed it behind her. "I saw you in the dining hall and I know what you've been through. I can help you." Alex turned towards Amanda, her face flushed.

"Help me? Help me? Did you try to help me when you asked Percy to cancel me? How was that helping me?" Amanda only looked at her, she didn't even flinch at Alex's anger.

"Yes, that was wrong of me, but I know what you're going through." Alex shook her head.

"You don't know shit about me or what I'm going through!" A small, wicked smile filled Amanda's face as she stepped closer to Alex.

"I know what happened to you, I know the truth about your family and your childhood, about how your family was brutally murdered in front of your eyes. I also know that Nikita was the one assigned on the mission to kill you and your whole family. I know everything, Alexandra."


End file.
